Redefining Friendship and Community in Motherhood
This year has been cathartic in many ways. Slowing down has been one of my biggest teachers, and living with intention is a theme I’ve been leaning into. Living intentionally has meant looking closely at the relationships in my life—friendships, family connections, and my role in them. I’ve had to ask myself:
How do these relationships fit in my life now?
What is keeping us connected?
What is my role in this space?
Has this season lived its course?
These are not easy questions. Confronting them has been uncomfortable, heartbreaking at times, and deeply necessary.
Motherhood and Friendships: An Unexpected Shift
When I first became a mother, I thought my experience would look different. I imagined my mother cooking for me, giving me tips, supporting me. I imagined friends dropping off food, checking in, showing up. But my daughter was born during a global pandemic—a time when the whole world shut down. What should have been a time of bonding and community felt isolating and lonely.
Over time, I had less energy to give, less focus, and I carried guilt every time I thought of leaving the house without my baby. I told myself I should be grateful, I should stay home—especially after everything we went through to bring this living child earthside. Yet, I also felt the pull of wanting pieces of myself back.
I struggled between wanting to stay home and wanting to connect. Neither felt quite right at the time.
The FOMO of Motherhood
As my daughter got older and responsibilities increased, my friendships began to shift. Invitations slowed down. I’d see my friends out without me, and many times I wasn’t invited at all. The FOMO was real.
I realized that people often assumed that because I was a mom, I no longer wanted to go out, laugh, or do “fun adult things.” That couldn’t be further from the truth. I still craved connection, joy, and adventure. I wasn’t prepared for how much motherhood would redefine my friendships—or how excluded I would sometimes feel.
Grieving Relationships Still Alive
Alongside these changes, I’ve had to confront painful family dynamics. I went no-contact with my mother over a year ago. Grieving someone who is very much alive, but chooses not to have a relationship with you or your child, has been one of the heaviest losses I’ve carried. I’ve also carried the heartache of needing my mother while mothering myself and learning this new journey.
Motherhood has forced me to confront my own wounds: my mother wound, my father wound, my inner child, and the pieces of childhood trauma that still live in me. All while mothering in a way I was never mothered, and holding space for the world around me.
Redefining What It Means to Be a Friend
I’ve always thought of myself as a “good friend”. But in this season, I’ve had to pause and ask myself: Is this actually true?
What I’ve learned is that much of my identity as a “good friend” was rooted in anxious attachment. I overextended myself, broke my own boundaries, and centered many relationships around giving and holding space, while rarely taking space for myself.
When I began to unlearn this pattern—when I started setting boundaries, especially with my family—the narrative about me changed. Suddenly, I was no longer “selfless” but instead “difficult” or “the weird one.”
That shift was painful, but it was also liberating. Because the truth is, I don’t want to abandon myself for the needs of others anymore.
Redefining Community in My 30s
Now, in my early 30s, with a child of my own, I’m redefining what friendship and community mean. I’m asking myself:
What kind of support do I truly need?
Who is part of my village?
What kind of community do I want to build around me and my daughter?
Yes, my circle has changed. But that doesn’t mean I am unworthy of friendship, connection, or belonging. I am still deserving of an inviting, loving, supportive, and non-judgmental village.
This season of my life is about making new friends, strengthening my relationship with myself, and choosing to be an active participant in my own story.
Here’s to continuing the raw, messy, beautiful truths of my six-year motherhood journey—and to honoring the evolving meaning of community along the way. 🌱💜
